10 Excuses: for not posting

Hello, trusty readers.  Actually, I don’t know if I should be trusting you guys.  I’ll assume I can… for now.  Anyways, I am posting this because on my other 2 blogs I might have accidentally got in a situation where I couldn’t post.  More on that later.  These may not be that funny.  If they are not then comment about how bad this post is and I will try to step up my game.  If not then comment about how much of an idiot I am for thinking this might not be all that great.  Either way, I am a bit of an idiot, eh?

1.  “My best friend’s brother’s friend’s cousin knows a guy that lives in Norway that has a half-sister.  That guy’s sister’s mother’s mother’s brother’s cheating ex-wife’s dog groomer’s favorite customer got sick and I had to fly to Norway.  But get this: when I got to Norway I found out that my best friend’s brother’s cousin who know that guy’s sister’s grandmother’s brother’s ex-wife’s dog groomer’s favorite customer actually knew my second cousin.  Well, because of that I had top fly my second cousin out to Norway.  And he brought my mother, his mother, his father, but not my father because no likes him, my grandparents, my other uncle, my goldfish and of course that girl that I saw at the check out counter five weeks ago.  And while we were in Norway we had to go sight seeing.  But my mother threw my lap top.  The poor laptop nearly flew to Denmark.  So I had to go fish it out of the sea, ’cause she wouldn’t get me a new one and I certainly can’t afford one, and the company I bought the laptop from doesn’t trust me enough to give me a replacement (like the warranty says it will) unless they see the broken computer.  So that’s why I couldn’t post.”  Can you imagine telling someone that?  That would just be ridiculous.  But that is the point of it.  It goes on forever for a reason.

2.  “My pet goat at my computer.”  Like telling your teacher your dog ate your homework.  Works best if the computer is not in sight as you say it…

3.  “Over the weekend my fingers cramped up so bad that I had to go to the doctor, and the doc said not to type for a week.”  Best if you have a doctor’s note to clarify.

4.  “I’m not creative enough!” *cries hysterically*  So, it’s not very funny but it works.  No it doesn’t.  It’s just self pity.  FAIL.

5.  “McDonald’s screwed up my order!”  What?  It makes a good reason.  Afterwards just explain the event in the greatest detail you can muster.  Take this as an example:

So I was at McDonald’s standing in line.  The floors were their normal tacky, yet shinning, checkered tiles and the place smell suspiciously like old grease and rotten cheese.  Which was only weird because I didn’t realize that McDonald’s had real cheese and not some melted rubber concoction.  But that is not the point.  The line was long.  Though, that was not much of a surprise.  After all, I live in America and Americans really like junky, fattening, artery clogging food.  The line moved much faster than I would expect from a half-a-star joint and I really almost was sprinting to keep up with it.  Sweat was dripping down my face from my speed.  Okay, that’s a lie.  The line was actually just at walking pace but like I said: “junky, fattening food” we Americans love it, which explains why even at a slow pace I sweat buckets.  And as I got up to the front of the line I realized I had no idea what I wanted.  So I thought about it.  And while I was thinking the craziest idea came to my mind: a hamburger without pickles.  I ordered it.  It felt like an hour–no, an eternity–long wait but, the food finally arrived.  I went to sit down.  The chairs were hard and reminded me oddly of cheep rubber and plastic.  Maybe because that is what they were.  As I sat the chairs themselves squeaked, though it might have been my weight that made that happen…   Still not the point.  I opened my sandwich and bit into to taste the most revolting thing–even though I had liked it before now–a pickle!  I slid the bread off the burger and I found a single pickle with a bite taken  out of it.  My face must have grown red with the rage I was in because the person at the next table over grew blue with the stench of my rage filled BO.  I stood up and marched to the desk with the disgrace clutched in my hand.  The dude, who wore the stupidest outfit ever, gave me a new sandwich (after a long talk with his manager) and I ate it happily.

6.  “I didn’t feel like it.”  Even feel free to throw in some cussing.

7.  “I was kidnapped.”  Just make sure they won’t take you too seriously…

8.  “My cat!”  Not every excuse has to make perfect sense.

9.  “I got stuck reading.”  😉

10.  “I had to bake some cookies.  So I got all my ingredients  just enough of them.  Not too much, not too little.  And I baked them to perfection.  But then the Cookie Monster stole them so I had to chase him down and beat him up.  I didn’t get my cookies back, though and I will forever have to live without them now.”  Yes, make it crazy!

Or you could just tell the truth, which in my case is that I went to Canada and when I got there I realized that there was no Wi-Fi where I was staying and I couldn’t change places or use my phone because the rates for American phone uses goes rocketing up once you cross into Canada.  So I really had no way to do it…

Best part of this for me was writing about the McDonald’s because I hate that place and I kind of did like dissing it!  But the real reason is my reason for why I had no posts on any blog.  FAIL.

Also: THIS IS MY 100TH POST!  I love you all so much for reading my blog at all.  I really do love you all for everything.  I wish that I had more time to post and that I wouldn’t be leaving you for 2 weeks later on…  But I have to thank you all that have fallowed this blog for your support and this blog was always for the readers so if you have anything to say that would make it better feel free to comment on any of my post (especially this one) and tell me.  And if you know where to find my email then email me and if not then comment asking for it I would then post it or reply or something (system not all worked out) but I am very happy to have 100 posts up.  Maybe 200 posts will come faster.