11 Stupid Things People Say

There are so many stupid people out there that I guess it is only logic that I should hear stupid things.  Yet, I hear so many that I am starting to think that people plan theses moments of pure idiot-ness.  So I’ve heard a few hundred stupid phrases.  I’m going to give you ten.

1. “It’s always the last place you look.”  Well, thankyou.  I thought that I should keep looking after I find it.  Yeah. Really.  Like I would do that.  So of course it is the last place I looked!  Duh!

2. “Without further delay…” And by saying that you just delayed that.  So how did that work for you?  Not well?  Could have seen that coming when you use that to announce that there wont be a further delay.  That’s delaying.  Genius.

3. “New and improved!”  Well, which is it?  New or improved?  We all know that new says that something is brand new and has never been invented or what ever before.  And improved means that there was something like it before but they made it better.  So, is it new?  Or is it improved?  It clearly cannot be both.

4. “Time flies.” When does time ever fly?  I’ve never seen time fly!  When time flies does it use wings or is it a superhero with a cape?  So, I must say that time probably does not fly.

5. “I wish this moment would never end.” Too bad.  It will.  In fact.  it’s already over.  Move on.  Yeah.  Moment over.

6. “So you just want to have your cake and eat it, too, huh?” Of course.  Why would I get a cake and not eat it?  I don’t see the point of that.  So, why would I not eat my cake if I had it?

7. “Life is short.” What the hell are you talking about?  Life is the longest thing one person can do.  Well, except death.  That is longer.  But life comes in second.  There is no way that it is short.

8. “Can I ask you a question?” Hm.  Well, I would have answered a single question.  Yet, now you wasted your chance with your stupid question.  Stop wasting my time with stupid questions.  Also that question is a question therefore you didn’t give me a choice.  Isn’t that right.  You already asked a question.  That was a failure of a question.  Fail.

9. “I could care less.” Uh.  No I think you couldn’t care less.  That would make a whole lot more sense.  A lot more sense.  And that’s because of logic.  You just told me that there are things that you care less about then what I was talking about but what you really meant was that you really could not care less.

10. “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” Yes it does.  Money, at least paper dollars, are made of paper.  Paper comes from wood.  And do you know where wood comes from?  Yeah.  Trees.  So money does grow on trees.  Thankyou for be oblivious.

11.  “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.”  Need I remind you that I didn’t come here to sit in this bookstore for the next year while I read every book on the selves, just to decide which one is the best and buy it?  I have places too be and people to see.  So if you don’t mind I will judge the books however I want.

Now, I would like to invite everyone to list some stupid things that people say in the comments.  If I am bored and wish to make yet another list some day your commented thing may just be in part two of this list.

Thanks.